{ DIARY } .

one rainy night in December-

Maybe I should have chosen to do it.
Then you would have had a reason to hate me.
And I would have had a reason to leave.

But now I'm stuck with these feelings for you that I refused to give up just because the mere hope that you have the same feelings for me too. 

- vearlentine xx

26/05/2015 - A Diary

I wish I could say that I like you.
I wish we could start a relationship together.
Even when I'm not sure if you're just playing with me, or if you were dead serious on liking me.
Even when you talked to so many other girls in the same way you talked to me, with super flirty pick-up lines and care that exceeds the boundaries of being "just friends".

But I know we wouldn't be able be together in the end anyway.
Because of the differences between us.
Because how my parents wanted my partner to be; to be the same, zero differences.
Those are the whys in me not saying the words 'I like you' 
or precisely, the reasons why I couldn't bring myself to have any feelings for you.
Because with me, 
Us is always followed by impossibility.

But at times...
I do like you.
The feeling came in like a flood that swept me completely off the shore and into the raging waves of the sea.
Wanting to have you, wanting to hug you, wanting to hold your hand or even just....
Wanting to have the tiniest bit of conversation with you.
But I guess I have already asked for too much.
The time we spent together should be enough to fulfill parts of my wish.
It has to be.

So now, I'm letting you go.
I'm staying as a good friend,
ready to listen to whatever problems you're having, will always be here to help you in difficult times,
but nothing more.
I'm letting you go.
Because I know someone else is waiting for you, someone who can bring the word possible into your life.
Someone who can finally admits that they do like you; returning your feelings.
And I'm happy, ecstatic even, to see your smile as I have never seen it before.
That's when I realize...
I could wish to like you
I could wish to be together
I could wish for the stars to make us collide and to glue us together; leaving no space for separation
But above all that
(All I want is to)
I wish you happiness.
---- even if I'm not a part of that.

The story of us by valentine kein.

Love you all, 

Valentine K. 

{ Song } Everytime We Touch

It's time for #tbt or #throwbackthursday ! I heard this song for the first time probably when I was in grade 6. Yep, the early days when I first discovered fanfictions. Reason is, along with me reading fanfiction, I started to discover other things such as mangas and fmvs (fan made videos) on youtube!

It isn't rare for me to find a really good song being used in one of the fmvs that I've watched. As you can guess, one of them is Everytime We Touch by Cascada! I don't really have a background story as to why I'm feeling attached to this song. I think I'm just hooked up by the cheerful melody and playful yet meaningful lyrics.

Nevertheless, if there had to be a background story, maybe the fact that the lyrics suited the manga that the fmv was showing made my heart beat a tad bit faster than it should be. Wondering what manga it was? It's called "Junjou Romantica". Some of you might know of this manga and some of you might not. You can look it up! A little bit of a WARNING though, it's YAOI. Still don't know what that means? Search that up on google first before you proceed any further. I'm giving you an honest advice right here.

Then, it's time to listen to the song! As usual, the lyrics are under and the link for it is provided at the end! Enjoy!

P.S: Personally, I don't like the music video. So if you're thinking the same thing as me, just press play and you can listen to the song while browsing the internet on another tab! :)

I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me

I still feel your touch in my dreams

Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why

Without you it's hard to survive

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling

And every time we kiss I swear I could fly

Can't you feel my heart beat fast,

I want this to last

Need you by my side

'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static

And every time we kiss I reach for the sky

Can't you hear my heart beat so

I can't let you go

Want you in my life

Your arms are my castle

Your heart is my sky

They wipe away tears that I cry

The good and the bad times

We've been through them all

You make me rise when I fall

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling

And every time we kiss I swear I could fly

Can't you feel my heart beat fast,

I want this to last

Need you by my side

'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static

And every time we kiss I reach for the sky

Can't you hear my heart beat so

I can't let you go

Want you in my life

'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling

And every time we kiss I swear I could fly

Can't you feel my heart beat fast,

I want this to last

Need you by my side

Read more: Cascada - Everytime We Touch Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Oh God, I'm totally giving my interest (read: yaoi) away in this one. Lots of people are gonna be so grossed out by this.. But oh well, what have I got to lose? It's what I've been into since grade 6 and it never failed to cheer me up! So, if you guys have an interest or hobbies that might be viewed as unconventional by the public, don't worry about it! It's your thing and as long as you don't put other people at a disadvantage by having it, all is good! Live life to the fullest and do what makes you happy. :)

Lots of love,

Vearlentine xx

{ Recommendation } Fanfictions/Fanmade Stories

If you asked what my hobbies are, one of them would definitely be READING. Be it novel, fanfic, short stories, poetry, blog post, you name it! I love to read them all :) However, the price of English novels in Indonesia is much too expensive for my liking. I don't really have the money to buy each and every novel that I like that has been published out there. (Damn them taxes!) So, I began to search for alternatives. This doesn't involved going to the local library because let me tell you, Indonesia has the translated version for almost every famous English novel out there. Instead of finding the original version, I would only be able to find the translated one. Duh.

Secondly, up to when I was in grade 5, my uncle had supplied me with Bed-time stories books from America. It was awesome! But then, that obviously also cost my uncle a fortune. I was thinking of how else I could get my hands on novels that literally cost nothing. That was until my dad introduced me to the INTERNET. Guess what? I stumbled upon the almighty FANFICTION WORLD. And I remembered thinking, this thing is free, awesomely written and I can even talk with the author directly! (Albeit it was through a computer). I couldn't have gotten a better deal! So, I begun my adventure through the fanfiction world; I started to gather a WHOLE LOT of knowledge about the terms within a fandom for example. Being in the fanfiction world is like speaking in another language. I'm not even kidding. At that time it felt amazing, knowing this whole new world where I could just read and read and read and I was just in grade 6!

The catch though, I also gathered knowledge about things that shouldn't have been learnt by a 6th grader. Yep. Those 18+ warnings, I ignored them all. Oh God, how I wish I didn't. (Who am I kidding? :p)

I will just list my TOP 3 fanfiction websites that could give you an extra amazing experience in the fanfiction world! They are all easy to access; you could just go on the website and read away! So don't hesitate to click on those links!

#1 : http://archiveofourown.org/

I felt like I've been missing out a lot from the fanfiction world when I've just discovered this website 2-3 weeks ago. DAMN! Every story that I have read was of HIGH QUALITY and the authors are all talented af. One thing about me, I am very picky about the writing style of the authors, so sometimes I have a hard time finding a story that I would want to read from the very beginning to the end. But archiveofourown got it all! Not one story I've ever read I hated. Even when it's angst with tragic endings. You know the story is that good when you are willing to commit your time to that kind of story. Also, I am an extremely faithful Grammar Nazi of other people's writings. (I can't really be bothered to check my own writing, apologies.) If there are too many grammar mistakes, I'll definitely stop reading even though it has a really amazing plot. And I have experienced none of that in this website! Most definitely HQ!

For some extra information, from what I've read, some authors are actually INVITED to write on the website. If this is not some fancy, exclusive fanfiction world's privilege, I don't know what is.

#2 : http://www.asianfanfics.com/

Asianfanfic got the second spot because it contains mostly HQ writers. Not everyone got the style that I like and not everyone get their grammar right but some of them are still amazing! On the plus side also, the website has got a very easy-to-understand format and you can navigate around the website freely without having to sign up! Accessibility gives all of the points for this website :)

And the catch for me is most of my favorite authors are very active in this website, they're all friendly and I really like their writing style. They reply to my comments too! Hmm... But fandom wars sometimes do happen in the comment section of a story. Hey, we know better than to join those, right? I know you, readers, are very sensible about these things. Or I hope so.

#3 : https://www.fanfiction.net/

Last but not least! This website is the first ever fanfiction website that I encountered. The thing is, this website doesn't only have their fanfics in English but also some other languages. For example, I found an Indonesian fanfic that was written so beautifully, I still have it pinned on my bookmarks bar! It is also very easy to navigate around the website :) But it is rare for me to find the writing style that I like here so I would put this as my third choice!

Yep. Those are my TOP 3 fanfiction websites! Not to forget though, this is in my opinion so if you have a different TOP 3, that's fine! I would love to know if there's any websites that I haven't discovered yet actually. If you have any recommendations, you can share it! I'd be so thankful to find a new heaven for my craving for reading!

Annnddd, you might also know some of these websites which are not necessarily fanfiction-based website but still got some fanfictions posted in them:

http://www.livejournal.com/
https://www.tumblr.com/

You just gotta find the right tag to find the fanfictions you wanted!
Hope you have a good time in the fanfiction world just like me! (Cheap ways to make me happy, really)

P.S. I should give you an example of the writing style that I like since I kept mentioning it... but I need to ask permission from the authors to promote/link their stories; and authors don't necessarily reply to messages quickly. So, I hope I can do that in the near-future! And just a short update for this week since I'm down with the flu and sore throat. I would say that sore throat is my number one nemesis. >:( Stay healthy, everyone!

Love,

Vearlentine

{ Song } Summer Is Over

THE ULTIMATE BREAK-UP SONG

For those who don't know, "Summer Is Over" is the title of a song by Jon McLaughlin. This song features Sara Bareilles and they've got an awesome harmony to their voices. I think you should really check this song out.  

You might be wondering why have I posted this song? Well.... Break-ups happen. And I know there are lots and lots of break-up songs out there but this one, everytime I'm listening to this song, I feel like bawling my eyes out. Let me tell you that I'm the type of person that doesn't cry easily but this song managed to hit me right on the crying nerves every single time. Spot on!

I've inserted the full lyrics under the video for reference. Also, there's a link on which you can click and it will redirect you to the website where I got the lyrics from. (Inclusion of proper credits is important guys!)

Obviously, it's mostly because of the lyrics. It's STRANGE, even for me, on how well the lyrics of this song reflects the break-up that I just had. It's driving me insane. Okay, I'm not going to reveal the whole of my first love story to the entire world right now. I'm just gonna give you a brief outline of it so you can see the connection between the love story and the song below. 

So, the story goes......

I moved to another country about 4 years ago. Half a year after I moved, I got into a completely new class where I first met him. It was summer when we first met.

We became closer and closer after hanging out so frequently for the entire year plus us chatting on facebook until 3 am every single day. I didn't know if I want to become an item with him, I liked him but that was it. I was afraid that if we ever break-up, our friendship might be ruined. I never got on so well with a boy and if I ever lost a friend like him, I thought I was gonna go insane. Also, I never liked losing friends in the first place anyway and I don't ever want to be the one who cause it. 

But then, he confessed and asked me out. I didn't answer him for like a month because of the previous reason that I mentioned. Also, I didn't know how my girl friends would react to me having a boyfriend. I was new to this whole scheme after all. I really didn't want to mess any of my friendships up (those unnecessary worries, blegh). In the end, after a month or so, I said yes. Our roller-coaster of relationships began here. 

There were MANY bad times but there were also good times. We did so many crazy things together. Going to eat breakfast together before our morning class. Getting late for class because of that. Argue on stupid things that caused us to stop talking to each other. Almost break-ups. We got through all of the hardships together. Despite realizing that we were the exact opposite of each other, we think we could still pull this through. 

However, after almost 2 years of being together.... I had to go back to my country... We knew this from the start. We knew what we were getting into. He was thinking that we could still keep the relationship even after I went back but I honestly couldn't describe the insecurity of being in a long distance relationship. I didn't want our relationship to ever be ruined by those insecurities. So, I pulled the trigger, I dropped the hammer and told him... that we're breaking up. We both cried for hours. I thought I would be able to hold it in because I knew this coming from a long long time ago. But the pain of breaking up is just so suffocating that I broke down in front of him. Even as I walked away and took the last glance at him. 

When we broke up it was drizzling. Gray skies are blowing a kiss goodbye to the lovers. 'Cause summer is over.

Honestly, I'm not feeling all that bitter anymore. Because I know at least he will now be able to find his real and one true soulmate (Since I'm not hogging him all to myself anymore). And as he had told me so many times on our "Almost break-ups", we were too different from each other. We almost didn't agree on every single thing that came across us. So I guess, in the end, we were better off to go our separate ways.  Nevertheless, I cherished the memories that we've made together for almost 2 years. 

Yeah, that's basically a summary of why "Summer Is Over" is the ultimate break-up song for me. And that was my first relationship too. Yup. I hope I'm being real clear in my story or else I'm just gonna end up confusing you. Anyway, don't forget to listen to the song! It's awesome!  

Autumn never seemed this cold before

Here I am sleeping on the floor

We changed just like the leaves

Outside my house

And my phone lay silent by the couch

I remember June

Back when I met you

And your eyes were green

And we were, too

But summer is over

We were tangled in the morning sun

Felt you getting colder

And we knew that we would come undone

And it's back to my town, back to your life

Gray skies are blowing a kiss goodbye to the lovers

'Cause summer is over

I can still see your silhouette

In the white hot sand

And I still feel your ring on my hand

And the clock was always ticking down

Behind that glass

Singing "love, be good while you last"

But we both knew

What we were getting into

The things we said

Sounded true

But summer is over

We were tangled in the morning sun

Felt you getting colder

And we knew that we would come undone

And it's back to my town, back to your life

Gray skies are blowing a kiss goodbye to the lovers

'Cause summer is over

The distant innocence

We are leaving far behind

Your last words will be burning in my mind

In the winter time

Well summer is over

We were tangled in the morning sun

Felt you getting colder

I knew that we would come undone

And it's back to my town, back to your life

Gray skies are blowing a kiss goodbye, goodbye

Summer is over

We were tangled in the morning sun

Felt you getting colder

And we knew that we would come undone

And it's back to my town, back to your life

Gray skies are blowing a kiss goodbye to the lovers

'Cause summer is over

Songwriters

MCLAUGHLIN, JONATHAN MICHAEL

Published by

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Summer Is Over Lyrics | Metrolyrics

P.S: The feeling of breaking up is too painful for me. I don't think I'm mentally able to handle the loss of someone so close to me like that, ever again. So, I don't think I'll be getting in another relationship anytime soon. I feel traumatized, for real. /sigh

I hope none of you will ever experience this kind of pain that I'm feeling. I hope your break-ups won't be as painful as mine. 

BUT for those who are in an abusive relationship, LEAVE HIM/HER immediately. You know, YOU ARE WORTH MORE than the love that your partner's proclaiming to give to you. 

That's all I'm gonna say for now. I hope you enjoy this song!

Love,

Vearlentine ♥

Weather, Please

Is it just me or is rainy season making everyone feels gloomy? 

I don't really know what I'm doing these days but I just suddenly feel the urge to write something on my blog. It might be just because I'm running away from my other responsibilities, really. But also, the weather in Indonesia right now keeps bugging me. I mean, we have sunshine for about 2-3 hours a day and then BOOM THUNDERSTORMS. Look, even the weather app is so gloomy.

I was really shocked when I came back to Indonesia, I thought "Is this the real the impact of global warming?" Because it literally rains Every. Single. Day. I could already imagined that the world is ending at this part of the world. Fortunately, my dad came up to me and explained that we just happened to come back when Indonesia is having its rainy season. Ugh, Thank God. The other part of me still curses to the fact that we didn't come back when it was summer though.

On another note, I might start posting more regularly. I think making a commitment to make a regular blog post will give me a motivation to do something productive in the future. Will it? I hope so. It's probably going to be "The Song of The Month" or something like that.Simply because I can't live without music. And, I just listened to a whole lot of new awesome songs and you should totally check them out!

Alright, you usually don't see me ranting about useless stuff like this. I think I just got cursed by the gloomy god of rainy days so that I can't help but complain about everything that I experience these days. This is such a random blog post and I might delete this in the future. I just hope that you're having a much better day - or season - than me.

Love,

Vearlentine